


Measuring Up

by sitabethel



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Conspireshipping, Deathshipping, M/M, Prideshipping, Remember they're measured in centimeters not inches- let's not get crazy now, Thiefshipping, Unreasonable notions of penis size, wishshipping - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 03:04:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11842629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sitabethel/pseuds/sitabethel
Summary: Seto's tournament is not going as planned, but he still needs to win at SOMETHING





	Measuring Up

**Author's Note:**

> There's no actual full sex scenes, but there's a lot of false starts, jokes, nudity, and that sort of thing.

###

“Look what we got in the mail!” Yugi held up three gold-embossed envelopes up for Atem and Jonouchi to see.

“That’s some fancy paper.” Jonouchi looked up as he and Atem played Duel Monsters at the kitchen table.

“Let me guess.” Atem smirked. “Kaiba Corp logo on them?”

“Of course.” Yugi smiled and showed the KC brand on the back of each envelope. “Let’s open them and see what it is!”

“Probably a bill for breathing his air,” Jonouchi grumbled as he tore open the golden envelope.

“They’re invitations to a tournament,” Atem said. “A private one at the Kaiba Corp mansion. I’m sure it’ll be extravagant.”

“That pretentious schmuck.” Jonouchi snorted as he placed a card face down.

“But it sounds incredibly fun!” Yugi beamed as he scanned the tournament rules. “It’s been awhile since we all gathered together for a tournament. This is going to be great.”

“I do enjoy defeating Seto in a duel.” Atem hummed as he placed a card down.

“Is it going to be weird facing each other?” Jounouchi asked. “You usually duel as a team.”

Atem and Yugi exchanged a glance, but smiled.

“It won’t be weird at all.” Yugi grinned. “I’m looking forward to playing against Atem again.”

“I need to even the score.” Atem winked. “Since you won against me during the Ceremonial Duel.”

“That was so long ago.” Yugi sighed. “I thought I’d lost you forever, I’m so glad the gods sent you back. Now we can play without worrying about being separated afterwards.”

“I look forward to it.” Atem set another card down.

“Uh-oh,” Jonouchi said.

“I’m afraid so.” Atem nodded. “I’m going to tribute my three monsters and bring out Slifer.”

“Aaaw man.” Jonouchi dropped his cards. “You won again!”

“You’re always improving, though.” Atem shrugged. “It won’t be long before you’re winning every other game, Jonouchi.”

“Yeah, of course!” Yugi encouraged him.

“Well, at least I won’t be rusty for the tournament.” Jonouchi scratched the back of his head. “I enjoy kicking Kaiba’s ass, too! Let’s play another game!”

Atem nodded, gathering up his cards and shuffling them.

###

“Why the fuck do they look like wedding invitations?” Bakura asked.

“Because Seto is married to the game.” Marik laughed.

Bakura arched his eyebrows in a way that said _you have a point_. Then he sighed and read the tournament invitation again.

“Fuck it. I’m staying home and playing Pokémon. Duel Monsters sucks.”

“You lazy ass.” Marik scowled. “What happened to the thief that swore to defeat the Pharaoh? Here’s another chance, if only in effigy, and you’re going to stay at home and play video games? What the fuck is wrong with you, Bakura?”

“I’m fucking tired, that’s what’s wrong with me.” Bakura rubbed his neck. “It’s going to be the same shit all over again. We’re all going to play, Jonouchi is going to be opponent fodder. I’ll probably end up in the emergency room. Seto is going to shriek like a banshee at the Pharaoh the entire time and act like he _doesn’t_ have a crush on him. And after all that gods damned drama, it’ll end up being between Yugi and Atem. I don’t care which one of _them_ is going to win.”

“What about me? You don’t think I could win?” Marik crossed his arms, insulted.

“You mean you’re actually thinking about joining?” Bakura dropped his hand from his neck.

“I forfeited last time because it benefited me. But forfeiting isn’t the same as losing.”

“No, it’s worse.”

“If you remember, forfeiting that game brought _your host_ back from the Shadow Realm.”

“My host was only _in_ the Shadow Realm because I was trying to help _you_!”

“And I repaid you by bringing him back and keeping the Ring on when I showed the Pharaoh my back!”

“Fine. That situation did end up benefitting me, and Ryou stole the Ring back from Yugi shortly after that, so I guess I can forgive you for handing me over to the Pharaoh like a trading card.” Bakura winked at Marik.

“The point of all this _is_ ,” Marik continued, “that I think I can beat Atem in a fair card game without destiny and my alter ego fucking everything up. If you’ve lost your balls and want to stay at home- fine- but I’m going.”

“Damn you.” Bakura look up at the ceiling. “Okay, okay, I’ll go too. Why the fuck not? But if I get sent the to ER- you owe me a blow job. Besides.” He grinned. “It would be _really really fucking hot_ to watch you defeat the Pharaoh at Duel Monsters.”

“Does that mean you think I have a chance?” Marik grinned.

“The god cards are on the banned list for the tournament. Without them… yeah, I think you have a better chance than most. Your only real competition will be Yugi and Seto.” Bakura smirked. “And me, of course, since you’ve talked me into playing against you.”

“Oh yeah, please, Bakura, tell me what a threat you are. I’m trembling at the thought of competing against you.” Marik straddled Bakura’s lap. He grinned and bumped their noses together before pulling Bakura’s hands to Marik’s chest and resting them over his heart. “Feel my heartbeat? It’s racing from fear.”

“Y’know, you’re kinda hot when you’re being a condescending bitch.” Bakura ran his fingers across Marik’s exposed abs, slowly making his way towards Marik’s zipper.

###

“You think you could paper cut someone’s throat open with an envelope like this?” Kek asked Ryou.

“Yes, but not deep enough to kill them. It’d still hurt,” Ryou answered in a calm voice as he read the tournament rules and updated banned card list. “You know, I never got to play in the last big Kaiba Corp tournament. Not really.”

“No, I would have had so much fun torturing you had you participated.” Kek chuckled in a low tone and he leaned in and nipped at Ryou’s earlobe.

“Hmmm…I don’t know.” Ryou smiled. “You might have been too scary for me back then.”

“There is no such thing as too scary- especially for you.”

Ryou giggled as Kek’s teasing nibbles traveled down to his milk-pale throat. He dropped the invitation in favor and gripping Kek’s hair and pushing him against the wall. He graced the corner of Kek’s mouth with brushes of his bottom lip. Kek grabbed Ryou’s ass and kneaded it with both hands.

“Your kisses are so soft. I always feel like I’m dying.” Kek tilted his head when Ryou went for Kek’s collarbone.

“Is it scary?” Ryou hummed while continuing to kiss with only the slightest pressure of his lips.

“Yes,” Kek moaned. “You make me feel human, and that’s terrifying.”

“Should I stop?” Ryou licked his lips, already knowing the answer.

“Never.” Kek lowered his lids and gave Ryou a beckoning stare.

Ryou caressed their lips together, over and over until Kek was whimpering in his arms. He traced light patterns on Kek’s bare shoulders even as Kek continued to grab and squeeze Ryou’s ass with desperate twitches of his hands.

“Still, it might be fun. To actually get to play for once,” Ryou said as he peppered Kek’s temple with fragile kisses.

“Really? You want to?” Kek asked. He squirmed against the wall, trying to get friction to their hardening cocks through the fabric of their pants.

“Yes?” Ryou’s eyes went hazy as Kek grinded their bodies together. “I think- _oh_ \- I’d like to try. Can’t- can’t beat Yugi but- damn Kek- maybe I could kick Bakura’s ass. That’d be funny.”

“Speaking from experience, kicking Bakura’s ass in a tournament is pretty entertaining.” Kek licked up Ryou’s throat and growled as he hitched his hips faster against Ryou’s clothed cock. “And Marik forfeited my game last time. I really fucking won that tournament. It’s bullshit- _damn Ryou-_ The entire world should be mine and drowning in darkness right now- gods, Ryou, please, please, I really want to.”

“Really want to what? Play card games?” Ryou giggled. “Or did you mean rule the world in darkness?”

“Yes.” Kek laughed. “Yes. I want to do all of that, but first I was thinking of letting you rule over me.”

“Then we’ll enter the tournament.” Ryou grabbed Kek’s hair and threw him down onto the carpeted floor. “But no destroying the world. I live here.”

“But you’re still going to love me senseless, right?” Kek grinned, the tip of his tongue playing with his lips.

“I’ll make you a deal.” Ryou hovered his lips just over Kek’s. “Spare the world next time you get a chance to wreck it, and I’ll love you until you pass out here on the carpet.”

“ _Keke,_ deal.”

Ryou held Kek’s arms over his head. The former alter was strong enough to shrug Ryou off like a stray dogwood petal from his chest, but instead he gave Ryou a hungry gaze and lay relaxed in the square of light cast on them from the open window.

###

“Blue carpet. Drink,” Marik said as they walked down the hallway, and Bakura took a nip from his flask. Marik gestured to the end of the hall. “Marble Blue Eyes White Dragon statues by the elevator. That’s two drinks.”

“I’m counting that as one.” Bakura swallowed again.

“Nuh-uh. It’s two statues. Take two drinks.”

“I’m not going to be able to walk let alone shuffle, draw, and play a fucking card game.”

“You’re the one that wanted to turn this into a drinking game. Don’t back out.”

“I wanted a buzz, not alcohol poisoning.” Bakura snorted, although he did take a third drink.

“You said, ‘hey Marik, I want to play a drinking game. Tell me to take a drink every time you see something in Kaiba’s mansion that reminds you of the Blue Eyes.’ Those were your words. You should have known you were going to die here drowning in gin with those rules.”

“That one rule. One rule! I didn’t think he’d be _this_ excessive.”

“It’s Seto Kaiba!”

They both laughed in the elevator. Bakura leaned against Marik’s shoulder.

“Spinning. Everything is already spinning. I’m almost out already.”

“Gods I hope you face Atem in the first round of the tournament. It’s going to be so funny.”

“Imma take my shirt off and fight him.” Bakura forgot he was playing a drinking game and took a drink for the sake of it. “We could duel with swords instead of cards.”

“That’s exactly what I’m hoping for.”

“A sword fight?”

“Naked sword fight. Yes.” Marik laughed. “You’ll look dashing, I’m sure.”

“I feel like I’m being mocked over here.” The elevator door opened to another hall full of dragon statues.

“Hmmm…” Marik pursed his lips. “I suppose you’ll just have to finish the flask and call it a game.”

“Hathor help me, I’m not going to remember this tournament in the morning.” Bakura tipped his head back and chugged.

###

“Everything looks so elegant.” Yugi looked around with wide eyes.

Jonouchi muttered under his breath about it not being that big of a deal, and Atem made an agreeing noise. He’d lived in a palace, afterall. Seto’s mansion was nice, but nothing that would impress Atem. The indoor dueling area, however, was quite impressive. The domed ceiling made the huge, circular room even more daunting to look at. There was bleacher-style seating all along the walls and floating tiles for the duelists to stand on while in-game.

“Hi Yugi!” Ryou ran up and tossed his arms around Yugi in a hug.

“Ryou!” Yugi returned the embrace with enthusiasm. “Are you dueling, too?”

“Yeah, we thought it’d be fun.”

“We?” Jonouchi frowned. “You brought _him_.”

“Of course. We both want to play,” Ryou answered.

“He’s not going to do anything creepy like take off his head again?” Jonouchi asked.

“Oh dear, I hope so.” Ryou’s eyes lit up with excitement. “That would be amazing to see!”

“Ryou!” Jonouchi groaned.

“Well, as long as he doesn’t hurt anyone.” Yugi gave Ryou a nervous grin.

“Oh don’t worry, I told him we won’t get ice cream on the way home if he hurts anyone,” Ryou said like it was the most casual thing in the world to say.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Atem muttered under his breath. He couldn’t help himself; the scenario was simply too bizarre.

And, in that specific way that happens when one speaks of the devil, Marik’s former alter ego appeared behind Ryou, lifted Ryou up, and slung Ryou over his shoulder. Ryou squealed in surprised delight as his hair splashed against Kek’s back like white, white foam from an ocean wave.

“Sorry, I’m kidnapping your friend!” Kek waved goodbye as he carried Ryou away.

“Oh no!” Ryou laughed. “Don’t let the maniac have me!”

“Ryou has _issues_.” Jonouchi shook his head.

“We should have never let him wear the Ring as much as he did.” Yugi shook his head in resigned acceptance.

Their conversation ended as the lights dimmed. Everyone gazed up at the ceiling, wondering what was going on. Music blared from every direction, and silver and blue lights started glittering like stars above them.

And of course Seto’s entrance was dramatic. Atem sighed when Seto appeared from a trap door in the center of the ceiling, riding a on a screeching Blue Eyes White Dragon like a knight in an expensive business suit instead of armor.

Atem heard annoying cackling off to his left. He turned to see Bakura slung over Marik Ishtar’s shoulder. Marik was the only reason Bakura didn’t drop to the floor, and Atem for the life of him couldn’t figure why Bakura was laughing until his face looked like a bouquet of pink roses. Yes, Seto was being as excessive as ever, but it was no reason to lose all composure.

Then the fireworks started, and not even Marik could keep Bakura standing. He dropped to the floor and started rolling in laughter. Marik stood above him, covering his laughing mouth with one hand while extending the other out to Bakura so he could lift him back up.

Seto jumped off his dragon and somersaulted to the center platform

“Prepare yourselves, duelists!” He shouted into the arena.

And that’s when the power went out.

###

Drunk or not, the second the lights went off, Bakura was on his feet and holding Marik. Marik didn’t say or do anything. His body felt like a titanium rod in Bakura’s arms. Bakura sighed in relief when the emergency lights flickered to life and Marik somewhat relaxed in his arms. The room was still dim, but bright enough to see, and Bakura examined Marik and decided that he wasn’t too worse for wear despite the uncomfortable moment.

“Shit.” Even without the microphones and speakers, Seto’s voice travelled because of the acoustics in the room.

“You blew out the power, didn’t you?” Atem called up to Seto, and Bakura leered because he wanted to crawl up to the platform so he could look down at the Pharaoh- and spit in his face.

“Dammit, Kaiba! Why do you always have to be such a show off!” Jonouchi shouted.

“The system will reboot,” Seto said, “In three hours.”

“What?” Several people shouted, including Marik.

Seto crossed his arms over his chest.

“Hey, Seto!” Ryou called up. “Why won’t the cell phones work?”

“The dome blocks the signal,” Seto answered. “I didn’t want any distractions.”

“Well? Is there an emergency landline?”

“No.”

“Seto!” Ryou continued to yell to be heard, though it sounded a little out of place from Bakura’s soft-spoken, former host. “The doors electronically locked when we all entered. How are we supposed to call for help if we can’t call anyone?”

“I already explained that the system will reboot in three hours.”

“You mean we’re trapped in here like rats!” Jonouchi screamed.

“Kaiba, I will fucking sue your ass!” Marik screamed as well.

“You signed a waiver, Ishtar.”

“And as soon I get out of here I’m faxing a copy to my lawyer and if there’s even half a loop hole in your wording, then you can expect a subpoena.”

Seto shrugged, and Bakura glared at him. He was too high up, or Bakura would have thrown his shoe at the executive.

 

“First off, Seto get down here because I’m not going to shout,” Atem said. “Second, if we’re trapped here for three hours, then there’s no helping it, but we should figure out what we’re going to do if we can’t have our tournament.”

“Fight club!” Bakura punched the air. Sweet gods he wanted fight club. He was going to punch Atem right in his smug, prick face. Yass. _Yassssssss_.

“Hell yeah!” Kek seconded the notion.

“On the platforms!” Bakura added. “Losers fall to their death!”

“Hell the fuck yes!” Kek shouted in ecstasy at the thought.

“Bakura, no!” Yugi frowned.

“Bakura, yes!” Kek squirmed like a impatient three year old.

“Here’s a radical idea,” Ryou interrupted. “We could just have the tournament anyway and play with our cards and keep score on paper.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Seto sneered.

He stepped on a smaller platform and it made a slow descent to the ground. Bakura was too drunk to puzzle out how it could work without electricity (maybe it ran on the backup generator like the lights?) but Bakura decided it was magic and Seto was a wizard. It seemed like the logical, drunken conclusion to make.

“You know Seto.” Ryou shook his head. “People once managed to play card games without better-than-life holograms.”

“No, the real way we dueled was by physically manifesting our souls and actually trying to kill each other.” Bakura stomped his foot. “And it was fucking amazing!”

“I always assumed that’s why Seto put so much effort into the holograms.” Atem nodded his head. “He’s trying to recreate the experience of our ancient Egyptian battles.”

“Whatever.” Seto snorted and lead them down a side hall. “There’s a buffet set up for after the duels. I suppose we could get that drivel out of the way now.”

###

“You had me at buffet.” Ryou hummed as they entered the only set of doors that weren’t mechanically sealed.

Three full length tables sat in a extra room, and all three of them were loaded with various foods- the third table had nothing but desserts, and Ryou thanked the Lord. He stacked a plate with fresh fruit, and cheeses, smoked salmon, and prosciutto. A second plate he loaded with eclairs, and frosted croissants, lemon bars, and of course creampuffs.

“This is better than duel monsters!” Ryou cheered. “I’m just going to eat for the entire three hours and then go home and take a nap.”

“You know.” Kek sat crossed legged on the table instead of in a chair. He had an ice cream sundae in his hands. “Now that I have this, there’s really no motivation keeping me from turning this failed duel into a bloodbath for my personal entertainment.”

Ryou sighed, knowing what Kek wanted. “Fine, fine. Be good for the next three hours, and after our nap we’ll have a three-hour Sesame Street marathon.”

Kek grinned, stealing a cream puff from Ryou’s plate and popping it into his mouth.

“Ryou, um.” Yugi had a cheeseburger on his plate and a slice of cake. “Not to judge, or anything, but is it healthy treating your boyfriend like a five year old?”

“Yugi, you have Hell Boy pajamas,” Ryou said.

“Fuck you, Yugi! I’m not five! Sesame Street teaches me about positive emotions, and I can like a fucking kids’ show if I want to!”

“Self care is getting drunk and watching Sesame Street for three hours straight, goddamn.” Bakura snickered. He had a plate full of steak, but was currently eating a slice of red velvet cake with his fingers.

“Bakura.” Ryou blinked at the cake. “You only ever eat dessert when _you’re_ drunk.”

“I may have pre-gamed.”

“Why would you get drunk for a tournament where mental clarity gives you an advantage?” Ryou asked.

“Because I’m bitter and disenchanted with card games, and I’m really just here to watch Marik winning.” Bakura paused. “Did I just say winning instead of win?”

“Yes, you did.” Marik grinned at him while snacking on cheese and grapes.

“Fuck it.” Bakura licked frosting off of his fingers.

“Are you really going to watch Sesame Street with us, Bakura?” Kek asked.

“Sure.”

“Bakura, you have no idea what sort of show it is, do you?” Marik asked.

“Nope.” Bakura shrugged, setting his plate down and grabbing a piece of steak.

“Well you’re in luck.” Ryou grabbed his cell phone. “I keep a copy of Follow That Bird stored on my phone at all times.”

###

Atem drummed his fingers against the pristine table cloth. He was bored out of his mind. Most of the others had decided to go ahead and have a regular tournament just for fun. Ryou and Marik were playing at one table, while Yugi and Jonouchi were playing at another. Atem had asked Seto to play against him, but Seto was sulking off in a corner because they couldn’t use their duel disks.

“ _There ain’t no road too long~_ ”

And then there was that.

Atem still wasn’t exactly sure what Sesame Street was, but he decided he hated it. It grated his nerves as it blasted from Ryou’s small phone speakers. Kek, on the other hand, sat crossed legged and bright eyed as he watched the show, and Bakura had declared Oscar the Grouch to be his new ka. Atem couldn’t see how Bakura could be drunk enough to sing along with Kek during the musical numbers, and he suspected that Bakura was playing up his inebriation _just to annoy Atem_.

And he was doing a beautiful job of it.

“Seto,” Atem hissed at him from across the room.

“We’ll play when the power comes back on,” Seto insisted, already knowing what Atem wanted.

Atem stood and marched to where Seto sat. Atem stepped over Seto’s long legs and straddled his lap so that they were face to face.

“You comfortable?” Seto asked with a stoic face.

“I’m bored,” Atem answered, leaning forward. “Seto.”

“What?”

“Duel me.”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“Liar. You’re always in the mood.”

“Maybe I have a headache.”

Marik set his cards down and glared at them. “Will you two just fuck already?”

“What?” Atem and Seto both jerked their heads towards Marik at the same time.

“This is all a painful display of sexual frustration. Do us all a favor- go into the arena and suck each other off so we don’t have to deal with the drama anymore.”

“Hey, what the fuck?” Bakura yelled. “We’re trying to watch some wholesome fucking programming over here. Don’t be so filthy.”

Atem couldn’t help but think that blowjobs would at least be something to do, and Atem wasn’t opposed to the suggestion.

“This isn’t about sexual tension. It’s about _winning_.” Seto scowled.

Atem sighed. Seto was impossible and they hadn't even made it through the first hour yet.

“Then measure each other’s cocks before sucking each other off, just quit talking, I’m watching this show.” Bakura waved off the entire conversation with his hand.

“Why bother, it won’t be any different than when we duel.” Atem looked straight into Seto’s icy blue eyes. “As soon as everything is on the table, I’d be the winner.”

“You know what? You’re on. We’ll see who measures up to who.”

“Oh my god, Seto, I was joking. Quit being so extra.” Bakura looked up from the phone for a moment before sinking his gaze back down.

“I accept,” Atem said in a rush before anyone could talk reason into Seto. Not that it was _possible_ to talk reason into Seto Kaiba, but Atem wanted to hurry up at get to the part where he got to reach his hand into Seto’s pants.

###

Kek had seen the movie several times, but Bakura was curled up in his lap and they were intentionally singing the songs out loud in order to piss off the Pharaoh, so Kek was still having fun. They would have played cards with the others, but without Seto and Atem to even out the brackets there wasn’t a good way to handle the second round where they’d be stuck with three winners.

Still, fuck Yugi for suggesting that Kek was five. Kek had all of Marik’s memories from childhood, so they were essentially the same age, and he was intelligent enough to test out of any undergraduate college class, but non-violent emotions were still intimidating, mysterious things that confused Kek. Sometimes he’d feel _a something_ and have to sit by himself and think for days before he could decide _what_ he was feeling. Then he felt stupid for taking so long to figure out, and broken, and then he wanted to smash everything in his path because that was the only way he knew how to process the confusion.

However, the first time he’d done that, he’d broken some of Ryou’s Monster World sets, and Ryou had cried and locked himself in his room, and then Kek had a whole new set of emotions to work through. He didn’t like it when Ryou cried. He’d needed a better outlet, and kids’ shows made it easier to work through things- without smashing furniture.

And who the fuck seriously didn’t like Sesame Street? Someone far more evil then Kek, that’d be for sure.

But their show got interrupted by Atem and Seto’s back and forth. And then Jonouchi was asking if they all had to measure their cocks, or if only Seto and Atem were going to.

“Is he serious?” Kek asked Bakura.

“Probably.” Bakura’s irises flicked up to look at Kek while he answered. “Fool thinks it’s a literal competition now instead of the rest of us trying to help get Atem laid.”

“That lightning bolt must have caused permanent damage.”

“You killing him probably didn’t help?”

“Oooops.” Kek grinned.

“How about this-” Yugi chimed in. “Whoever wins gets to decide what we do for the rest of the three hours that we’re stuck here, and everyone _has to go along with the winner’s choice_.” He looked at Seto. “Even if it’s finishing the tournament without holograms.”

“Deal.” Seto snorted. “And after I win I’m going to force you all to sit quietly for the entire time.”

“Whatever, Seto.” Marik rolled his eyes. “Tallest doesn’t mean longest, so don’t celebrate just yet.”

“It shouldn't just be longest. I think there's something to be said about girth,” Ryou said.

“How the hell are we going to figure out girth?” Jonouchi scratched his head.

“Let's just measure the width hallway up the shaft and add that to the length,” Ryou answered. He smiled. “Bakura, are you going to play?”

“Why wouldn't I?” Bakura smirked.

“Are you really going to play?” Marik raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, I’m all about body positivity. I’m game.” Bakura winked.

“But does anyone actually have measuring tape?” Ryou asked as he ate the last of a slice of pie.

“One moment.” Seto stood up and walked out of the banquet room.

###

Several long, silent moments stretched out. Everyone stood around, waiting. Marik snacked on some almonds. Yugi and Jonouchi finished their game. Atem sat cross legged and shook his foot impatiently while Bakura wandered over to Marik and draped himself back over Marik’s shoulder.

“Is this the part where he leaves via escape pod, and laughs because we’re all stuck here like fools?” Kek asked after the silence got too long.

“He’d better fucking not. I’ll break his fucking legs. I still don’t believe this place doesn’t even have emergency fire exits,” Marik growled.

“That’s because a duelist should be prepared to die before quitting.” Seto came back into the room holding a small box in his hands. “But I suppose you wouldn’t know that.”

“You fucking bitch.” Bakura grabbed another pie off the table, charged, jumped at the last second, and shoved the pie into Seto’s face.

There were gasps. Then silence. Then unified laughter. Seto stood still, perhaps so angry that he couldn’t move. Atem stood on the chair beside him. He ran his finger along the cream on Seto’s lips and tasted it.

“It’s pretty good.”

“First I’m going to shame you in this little side contest.” Seto set his box down, pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, and cleaned his face. “And then I’m going to completely destroy you when the power comes back on and the holograms are back online.” He glanced at Atem. “I’ll destroy both of you.”

“You can’t even play a card game without sucking up enough juice to power a city, and you want me to believe you’re not compensating for something?” Bakura scoffed, walking back towards a satisfied looking Marik. “Just watch you big fucking mouth around Marik because next time I’ll kick your ass.”

“Bring it. If I recall, you weren’t even strong enough in the last tournament to get a god card. I’m not afraid of someone as talentless as you.”

“Oh my god, he’s still talking about card games! Can we please get this stupid dick measuring contest started so we can talk about _anything else_!” Bakura smacked his forehead.

“Um… measuring tape or ruler?” Yugi asked.

“In the box.” Seto wiped the last of the cream from his face.

“Okay, I guess I’ll go first. I, uh,” he blushed, “Already know I’m not going to win.”

“But how are we going to do this? Go jerk it in the bathroom and then measure ourselves?” Jonouchi asked.

“Never in the history of cock measuring has self-measuring ever been a good idea,” Ryou said. “This is going to have to be a public display of virility. Besides, it’ll be more fun that way.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is. Once you’ve seen one dick, you’ve seen them all.” Seto snorted.

“I don’t know about that.” Kek chuckled. “You’re really tall and skinny, while Bakura is quite unlike anyone I’ve ever seen before. Maybe there’s more variation that you might think.”

Bakura shot Kek with his finger while Ryou and Marik laughed like they were all sharing a secret joke. Yugi gave them a suspicious look.

“What’s so funny, you two?”

“Oh, you’ll find out soon enough.” Marik twirled his earring as he answered.

“It’s nothing bad,” Ryou assured. “But this is going to be an interesting contest.”

“Okay, as long as you guys aren’t going to cheat in any way.”

“I don’t think there’s any need for cheating.” Kek rolled his eyes. “Who cares about dick size anyways? A centimeter here or there doesn’t make that much difference.’

“You’re speaking from a place of privilege,” Bakura explained.

“But how are we supposed to get hard with people watching?” Jonouchi winced, but at least he brought the conversation back on point. “I don’t want to sound a little bitch, but I’m not used to an audience.”

“I think we might be able to help each other out.” Yugi pulled at Jonouchi’s shirt, dragging him to the dessert table. He sat on the nearest chair, and Jonouchi dropped to his knees in front of Yugi, eyes wide and staring up at him.

###

Yugi thought Jonouchi looked cute on his knees. He considered how they should go about getting ready, and decided it’d be easier if he stripped all his clothes instead of being shy and just unzipping his pants, so he tossed his shirt on the floor beside him, and then yanked off both pants and underwear in a single sweep.

Now Yugi only wore his collar, and several bracelets- including the matching one that he and Jonouchi wore as a set. He didn’t have to ask, or tell Jonouchi what to do, Jonouchi grabbed Yugi’s cock without prompting and slurped it into his mouth.

Yugi closed his eyes and forgot their were people watching. His fingers wound into Jonouchi’s blonde hair, and he hitched into Jonouchi’s mouth. Far too soon Jonouchi was pulling away. Yugi whimpered and opened his mouth to demand that Jonouchi finish what he started, and then he remembered he couldn’t finish because he needed to be measured.

“Now let’s ask the real questions,” Bakura snickered. “Do the curtains match the drapes?”

“Do yours?” Yugi shouted, blushing a little, especially because they sort of did match although everything was a shade darker below the belt. Fortunately, Yugi was still too aroused for his embarassment to affect his length.

“Not at all, actually,” Bakura confessed. “But Ryou’s do- did you seriously shave a little triangle pointing down at your cock?”

“Look again, Bakura, that’s not a triangle,” Marik said in a mirthful voice.

Bakura squinted, then his carmine eyes grew round. “Did you seriously shave the Millennium Puzzle into your crotch!”

“Um…” Yugi’s entire face grew hot. “Can we hurry up and measure? I’m not going to stay hard if you guys keep making me feel self conscious.”

“I like it,” Atem said.

“You would.” Seto snorted.

“Shut-up, Kaiba. You probably got three Blues Eyes shaved around your junk,” Jonouchi snapped.

“That would be absurd, time consuming, and nearly impossible to maintain.” Seto crossed his arms over his chest and gave Jonouchi a cool stare.

“Are you saying that from experience?” Kek snickered, and a few others laughed with him. “Oh hey, you’re pierced, too,” Kek looked back at Yugi. “Oh damn, is that a prince’s wand?”

“Yeah.” Yugi nodded, excited that Kek recognized the type of piercing he had. “That was my birthday present last year.”

“Do you like it? I was thinking about trading my barbell for one.”

“It’s great!” Yugi grabbed himself and gave his shaft a few strokes to get it back to its full length before angling his cockhead towards the others so they could get a better look. “See? Just unscrew the cap like this when you need to use the toilet or cum, and this ball is attached to a post that slips through the other side of the piercing and it helps hold everything in place.”

“Gods, that’s so cool.” Kek leaned closer to get a better look. “I think I’m started to accidentally respect you now.”

“Ha ha, thanks.” Yugi laughed.

“Will you morons hurry up and measure him already. This is a contest to see who’s the best, not a dog show to see who’s best groomed.” Seto glared at them. Everyone else stood crowded around Yugi to admire both his piercing and the carefully designed Puzzle, but Seto stayed back as if he were too good to be a spectator.

“Jonouchi, why don’t you measure Yugi?” Ryou handed Jonouchi the measuring tape.

“Okay.” Jonouchi sucked on Yugi for one last moment, before holding the measuring tape against his hard shaft. “He’s 16 cm.”

“I guess I’m record keeper.” Ryou said, grabbing a clipboard, paper, and a pen from the box Seto had on the floor. Ryou scribbled their names down and wrote 16 next to Yugi’s name. “What about his width?”

“If you want to wait until after the tournament, I could have the computer scan everyone and run several metrics-”

“No!” Kek whined. “That completely defeats the purpose of killing time now. Let’s just do this on estimates.”

“Fine, but when someone calls for a rematch,” Seto grumbled.

“Already planning to be a poor loser?” Atem grinned.

“Demanding accurate results is not being a poor loser.”

“Does 7 cm sound right?” Jonouchi frowned at the tape measure.

“Damn son.” Bakura laughed. “Like, goddamn.”

Ryou looked over Jonouchi’s shoulder. “Yeah, that’s about right. See? I told you we needed another measurement besides length. That makes a big difference.” He tapped his pen against his clipboard. “Okay, you and Yugi switch places now.”

Yugi stood up and pulled his pants back up to his hips. He winced as he zipped up. They had a serious design flaw with their contest, and that was there was no convenient way to calm down now that he was worked up. It was going to be a very long three hours…

###

Jonouchi was nervous as he sat down. Everyone was still gathered around the chair, so Jonouchi had a full audience from the get go. Yugi had taken all his clothes off, so Jonouchi did the same, sitting down on the chair and spreading his legs for Yugi to have more room to work.

“There is no way you’re a natural blonde,” Marik argued when he saw the well-groomed rectangle of hair above Jonouchi’s cock.

“It’s bleached like the rest of my hair.” Jonouchi gave them a sheepish grin.

“How?” Ryou asked in shock.

“There’s a special kind I use.”

“Honestly, I’m a little disappointed at the manscaping after seeing Yugi’s.”

“Fuck you, Bakura. I ain’t trying to impress _you_.”

“This is going to take the entire three hours at the rate you’re going.” Seto scowled at the group again.

“Seto, can you pull the fucking stick out of your ass and have fun for like five minutes?” Bakura shot back. “We’re trapped in here because your grand display of sexual frustration. The least you can do is let us have a little fun while we’re trapped.”

“I’m _not_ sexually frustrated.” Seto gave Bakura a patented death glare.

Jonouchi prepared something snarky to say, but Yugi picked that time to push back his foreskin and swirl his tongue around Jonouchi’s cockhead, and he couldn’t say anything after that. Jonouchi tossed his head back and grabbed the sides of the chair to steady himself.

“Length, 17 cm. Width, 5 cm,” Yugi said after sucking for a moment.

“Ah, this sucks. That was way too fast.” Jonouchi frowned, needing Yugi’s mouth back on his cock for a few more minutes.

“I know!” Yugi laughed. “Who’s stupid idea _was_ this? It’s like volunteering for blue balls.”

“It was Bakura’s stupid idea, of course.” Marik bumped Bakura’s side with his hip.

“No, fuck that. This is Seto’s fault. I’m just making the most out of an impossible situation.”

“Quit whining. Who’s going next?” Seto asked.

“You are.” Atem licked his lips. “And I’m about to climb you like a tree.”

###

Atem was not joking. He launched himself forward and leapt up high enough to wrap his arms around Seto’s neck and his legs around Seto’s waist. He hated their height difference. It made flirting damn near impossible when the object of your desire loomed over you like a mountain. But Atem was determined. He clung to Seto like a sloth to a branch and finally kissed him.

He expected to get slapped, or at least dropped, but Seto slammed Atem against the nearest wall and returned the kiss. They grabbed each other’s hair. Each kiss was savage, and all Atem could think was _about time, about time, it’s about fucking time._

Seto released Atem’s hair so he could fight with his pants. Once he had Atem’s fly down, he grabbed Atem’s cock and kneaded it with his long, dexterous fingers. Atem moaned against Seto’s mouth. His entire body flooded with a warm tingling. He wanted to return the favor, and pressed against the wall as he was, he was able to let go with his right hand and loosen Seto’s tie, then undo the first two buttons. Atem kissed Seto’s neck, sucking well below the collar line so no hickies would show.

Atem moved his hand down Seto’s solid chest, and then to his chiseled abs. His own pleasure skyrocketed with each flourish of Seto’s hand, and he needed to return the favor. Atem dropped his hand lower… but only reached as low as Seto’s belt line. No matter how far he stretched out his fingers, he could only barely graze the tips of his fingers against the crown of Seto’s cock peeking up above his belt line.

Atem hated how tall Seto was. Atem hated that he could already tell that Seto was longer than him by the way he managed to rise above his belt line.

They needed to resituate, but Atem couldn’t even _think_ let alone say something. He was whimpering from how good he felt. The tingling in his body was a fierce hum now and his thighs quivered as they continued to squeeze around Seto. Atem panted, trying to catch his breath, trying to compose himself enough to speak.

“Seto… Seto… w-wait- wa- _aaaaaah_!” Atem curled up against Seto’s chest, and screamed in ecstasy, and probably ruined Seto’s suit with the thick, white mess now dripping down Seto’s pant leg. Atem knew his face was red despite his complexion. He clenched his fists and jaw. “Fuck!”

Seto giggled. He didn’t even try to stay composed, and in any other situation the sound of his unbridled giggles would have been endearing, but at the moment Atem just wanted to crawl into the air conditioning vents and die.

“Yugi might be the King of Games- but you’re the King that came!” Bakura cackled like a damn fool somewhere to Atem’s left, but he couldn’t see because he was hiding his face against Seto.

“Shut-up, Bakura. For once in your miserable existence just shut the fuck up.”

“What are you going to do? Even if you had a loaded gun, it’d just go off before you could shoot me!”

“Guess you’re disqualified,” Seto whispered into Atem’s ear while licking cum from his wrist.

“Please set me on fire and put me out of my misery,” Atem whispered back.

“Can’t,” Seto said. “No fire exits.”

###

Seto cleaned himself the best he could with club soda and napkins. The pants, of course, would have to be dry cleaned later, but it was worth it to see Atem knocked off his smug pedestal. He hadn’t _meant_ to humiliate him quite so thoroughly, however, he’d simply gotten carried away when Atem had leapt on top of him.

Maybe he was sexually frustrated.

“Let’s get this over with.” He dropped his pants down to his boots, which was just low enough to free himself for measuring.

“Um, Atem, d-did you want to do the honors, or?” Yugi offered the tape measure.

“Why not. I should at least get to _look_ at it after all this.” Atem rolled his eyes, and strolled towards Yugi, taking the tape measure and lining it up with Seto’s shaft.

“Make sure you stand on your tiptoes so you can reach all the way up!” Bakura called out as loudly as possible.

Seto repressed a grin.

“17.75 and a little over 5 cm.” Atem tossed the tape measure back to Yugi.

“And?”

“And what?” Atem narrowed his eyes.

“If you had to guess which one of us would have won?”

“I’d love to answer, but I’m afraid my mouth is full.”

“What do you mean by- oh…”

To give Atem _some_ credit, Seto felt his face flush the moment Atem’s tongue rolled up Seto’s length. A length that, Seto couldn’t help noting, was so far longer than everyone else’s. He did enjoy winning, although he dared say he enjoyed Atem’s mouth even more.

“Oh hell no!” Jonouchi protested. “If I don’t get a full blow job, there is no damn way Kaiba’s getting one!”

“Shut-up. Nobody cares about your indignance.” Seto grunted, gripping the wall behind him.

“No way.” Marik crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m with Jonouchi on this one. We’re trapped here, and it’s Seto’s fault. If it were up to me we’d edge him the entire three hours until he was weeping. It’d be a fitting punishment, but I don’t think you have the patience for that, Atem, so spit that cock out of your mouth right now and make Seto _suffer_ with the rest of us.”

“Don't let that diva tell you what to do, Atem.” Seto was panting now, getting very close, but then Atem did pull away.

“No, I think Marik might have a point.” Atem wiped his mouth and walked away, and Seto could only grit his teeth at Atem’s pettiness.

###

“I think we could all use a distraction,” Ryou said. “Bakura, you want to go next?”

“Why the fuck not?” Bakura leaned towards Marik with a grin. “Well? You gonna fluff me?”

“Since when have I ever had to go through all that trouble just to get you hard?” Marik grabbed Bakura and traced his fingers up and down the front of Bakura's jeans.

“No fair, everyone else got sucked until they were hard.” Bakura wanted to argue, but he only sounded needy.

“But this way is more fun for me,” Marik muttered against Bakura’s throat.

Bakura couldn’t complain because he was too busy digging his fingers into Marik’s shoulders and gritting his teeth. Marik sucked hard against Bakura’s throat and continued to graze his fingers over the growing bulge in Bakura’s pants. Bakura grew impatient, ripping off his shirt in hopes that Marik would at least suck on his nipples if not his cock. The gold bangle of Marik’s that he always wore on his arm flashed as he wrapped both arms around Marik and tasted his lips.

He was so distracted with kissing Marik, and so used to Marik, Kek, and Ryou seeing him naked and not reacting, that the gasps in the room confused him for a moment. Marik pulled Bakura closer so that he could run his fingers along the sensitive trails of black marking his otherwise white skin.

“See? It’s like his has wings.”

“Broken wings.” Bakura snorted.

“I like them,” Marik insisted.

Bakura’s back was mostly white like Ryou’s, but a black trail- like a long narrow rorschach test- ran up his spine and branched out, not so much like wings as Marik suggested, but rather like wing bones clawing at Bakura’s shoulder blades. The black skin felt like supple leather against the fingertips and had more nerves endings that the rest of his body. Therefore, even Marik’s light, teasing touches to his back had Bakura shivering and delirious with pleasure.

“Is that a tattoo?” Yugi asked from right behind Bakura.

“No you idiot. It’s… just me. This is how I came back.” Bakura stepped back from Marik’s embrace in order to show off his chest.

“Geez, Bakura! You shouldn’t have messed with that creepy monster in the Ring.”

“Zorc.” Bakura glared at Jonouchi. “And, it doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

His chest had a ring of black with five bursts in a crescent below the ring that matched Ryou’s chest scars. Streaks trailed out across his chest and down to his stomach like chain lightning, or perhaps blood poisoning.

“Does it hurt?” Yugi asked.

“Quite the opposite, actually,” Marik answered behind him, wrapping an arm around Bakura’s stomach and tracing the maze of trails across Bakura’s stomach.

Bakura sucked in a breath. His eyes rolled back slightly as he leaned against Marik’s warm chest. He muttered Marik’s name, squirming a little to try and encourage Marik to slide his fingers lower.

“You’re asking the wrong question.” Kek walked beside Bakura and tugged at the belt loop of his jeans. “You _should_ be wondering what’s below the belt if this is what his chest looks like.”

“It’s not going to be creepy, is it?” Jonouchi groaned.

“It’s incredible! Hurry up and show them!” Ryou clapped his hands.

“Oh no.” Jonouchi smacked his forehead. “It must be creepy if Ryou’s excited.”

“Would you like to do the honors, Ryou?” Marik asked.

Ryou dropped the clipboard and waited for Kek to undo Bakura’s belt and the top button before using his mouth pull down the zipper.

“Why can’t you be as nice as Ryou?” Bakura asked Marik as Ryou made a sexy display of helping Bakura out of his pants.

“Bitch, why can’t _you_ be as nice as Ryou?” Marik poked at Bakura’s navel.

Bakura whimpered, arching a little at the contact. The area around his navel was more black than white and more sensitive than most places- except his actual groin.

“Oh no way! No way!” Jonouchi shouted, marching to the other end of the room with his hands half-covering his eyes. “I am done! This entire contest was stupid!”

“Oh my goodness!” Yugi covered his mouth with both hands and blinked huge, violet eyes.

“Is… that?” Atem had been sulking off in a corner, but he perked up when Bakura stepped out of his pants.

“I don’t say this often,” Seto said, “But I’m impressed.”

“Impressed?” Jonouchi screamed. “There’s a monster in his pants!”

“That’s what she said!” Bakura called back. Not that he’d ever shown his cock to a _she_ in his entire life, Egypt included, but the line had been too appropriate not to use.

“It’s because it looks like a dragon.” Atem gave Seto an irritated look.

“Oh, you even pierced it to look like it has two red eyes!” Yugi, curiosity overcoming his initial shock, leaned forward to get a better look.

Bakura’s cock… swayed. It kinda did that, and Bakura didn’t really have any control over it. It was long, decently thick, and black as sin with overlapping layers of leathery skin that fit together in the same way sheets of plate fit together in an armored gauntlet. The overlapping “plates” ran all the way down and past his scrotum- which is why he’d said that the carpet didn’t match the drapes. Bakura didn’t have any carpet, so to speak, it was more like a black-granite floor.

Besides the sheets of leather, Bakura had a happy trail of spiky fringe that ran from his lower navel to the hood of his cockhead. It _looked_ intimidating, but was supple and folded at the touch, and never caused any trouble in the bedroom. The head was shaped sort of like a dragon’s head, but fortunately, unlike Zorc, Bakura’s cock didn’t have teeth.

“Can I touch it?” Seto asked.

“Can I touch it too?” Yugi echoed right after.

“Seto! Aibou! That’s rude!” Atem shouted.

“I don’t care.” Bakura shrugged. “Knock yourselves out.”

The fact that Atem was being prissy about it actually made the thought of being touched by Seto and Yugi appealing. Bakura suspected that Mr. King himself wanted to touch Bakura’s cock, but didn’t have the nerve to ask considering their track record.

Bakura raised up his arms, and locked them around Marik’s neck, using Marik’s body as a support beam. The second Seto and Yugi started running their hands up and down his shaft with experimental touches, Bakura’s knees buckled and Marik was the only reason he didn’t fall to the floor. Marik himself continued to hold Bakura’s waist, keeping him in place even though his hips tried to buck on reflex. They’d played this game with Ryou and Kek before, although _that_ session had ended with Bakura getting a double blow job and had been _much more fun than a stupid measuring contest that Bakura didn’t care about._ On its own, his cock leaned towards their strokes, trying to contour itself around their wrists.

“This is so cool! Katsuya, you really should come over here.” Yugi called over his shoulder.

“No way, dude. Keep his freak cock away from me.”

“Come on, mutt,” Seto teased. “It’s black with red eyes- that’s your favorite card, isn’t it?”

“Unlike _some_ duelists, I don’t wanna fuck my cards, _Kaiba_.”

“It _would_ be better if his skin was still white and the piercing was blue.” Seto smirked, shameless, perhaps even proud of the statement.

“Atem?” Yugi asked once Jonouchi and Seto stopped exchanging snarky comments.

“Uh, I-I’m okay here.”

“Don’t worry, Pharaoh,” Bakura tone was silky, but vehement. “Unlike you, I can take a little petting without dismissing class early.”

“Whatever, Bakura.” Ryou laughed. “We’ve made you come using only feathers before.”

“Shut up, dammit. None of you will let me kill him, at least let me shame him!”

He wasn’t done lecturing Ryou, when he turned and noticed Atem standing right in front of him. Bakura’s eyes widened when Atem had the balls- pun intended, of course- to wrap his hand around Bakura’s cock and stroke up. His palmed slid against the grain of the ringed, overlapping, leather scales, and Bakura’s spiked fringe, sending a jolt through Bakura’s body. Bakura grunted, vision going a little hazy at the sensation. Atem thumbed around the head, toying with the red beads.

“Okay, fine.” Atem snorted before walking away. “It’s cool, I’ll admit it.”

“And longer than yours?” Bakura asked as soon as he could focus again.

Atem answered with his middle finger, and that was all the reply Bakura needed to be satisfied.

“Why aren’t you a pornstar?” Yugi asked. “Bakura, this is a gift. You should share it with the world.”

“Pornstar sounds suspiciously like a job. Don’t care for those at all.” Bakura reached back with his right foot and ran his toe up Marik’s pant leg. “Not to mention that, after sleeping with Marik, I think I’d get bored in a porno.”

Marik’s chuckle reached Bakura’s ear, tickling it and making him squirm more than he already was.

“Will you guys just measure him already!” Jonouchi groaned. “Watching it move on its own like that is giving me the heebee jeebees.”

“Just one more second,” Yugi pleaded. “This is too freaking awesome.”

“If you think it’s awesome to fondle, you should see it work in bed.” Kek reached out and rubbed the top of Bakura’s cock head. “These little ridges hit right against the prostate.”

“He’s also flexible enough for autofellatio,” Ryou bragged. “Which is fun to watch, especially if he’s bottoming while he does it.”

“Marik,” Bakura begged, trying to jerk his hips forward and ignoring what everyone was saying as multiple hands teased along his scales.

“You guys better measure him, or he really will get disqualified like Atem did,” Marik said.

“Disqualify me.” Bakura gave Marik a breathy chuckle as he squirmed. “I know I’m not winning this contest, might as well have some fun.”

“No way, I want to know how long it is. It’s hard to tell because of the way it moved.” Yugi grabbed the tape measure and, after a little wrestling, called out numbers. “19 cm long and 5.5 cm wide. Wow. Are you sure you’re not going to win, Bakura?”

Bakura only whimpered, wanting their hands back on him, but instead being forced to dress because his entry was complete. Bakura crashed onto his knees, panting hard and feverish. The next three hours in Seto’s mansion was going to feel longer than the last three thousand years he’d spent trapped in the Ring.

###

For all Marik’s grand talk about Bakura not needing a fluffer, it hadn’t taken more than Bakura’s consistent squirming against Marik’s body to get his own cock hard. There was also something extremely erotic about watching everyone paw over Bakura. He’d always enjoyed watching Ryou and Kek toy with him. It was a mix of voyeurism and narcissism that Marik always savored, and watching the Pharaoh’s precious vessel and unrequited lover covet what Marik experienced nightly only sweetened the experience.

Marik’s thoughts were interrupted by Kek stepping into his personal space, Bakura still on his knees and recovering from his cockteasing. Kek bumped their noses together and grinned.

“We’re the same, so let’s get measured together.”

“I’m not fluffing you either.”

“Who needs fluffing? I’m ready to bust just from watching everyone!”

Marik felt his cheeks flush, but didn’t worry about it because he knew his complexion hid the color. Kek had an awful habit of blurting out loud things that were true about both of them, but Marik didn’t want others to know about- like the voyerism. The entire room didn’t need to know about that.

“Perhaps you’re ready, but I want to be pampered a little before I’m measured.” His gaze shifted to Bakura, already on his knees.

“Oh fuck you!” Bakura screamed. “You only teased me, and now you expect me to get down on my knees for you?”

“You’re already on your knees,” Marik reminded him.

“At least your big mouth will finally be good for something.” Atem shot Bakura with his finger, mocking Bakura.

“You know what? You kinda have a point.” Bakura inched closer to Marik and worked on his belt and pants. “It does take a big mouth to suck a big cock, and you did an okay job on Seto, but he didn’t sound _really into it_. I think you might need to be shown how it’s done.”

And with that, Bakura pulled down Marik’s pants and started swirling his tongue around Marik’s balls, taking them into his mouth and sucking lightly. Marik stumbled backwards and found a chair to drop down into. He kicked his pants off his ankles, but left his shirt on.

Bakura crawled towards the chair, looking up at Marik like Marik was a god. Bakura licked his lips before he went back to sucking Marik’s balls. It was Marik’s favorite thing, and he really should thank the Pharaoh for working Bakura up because Bakura was treating Marik’s cock like a popsicle on a hot day.

Marik reward Bakura for the extra effort by throwing his head back and raising his legs up over Bakura’s shoulders. He mewled and hiked up his hips. The pathetic moans were an act. Not that it wasn’t fantastic, it was, but Marik usually made Bakura work for even the slightest praise. It was always wonderful to see Bakura to get irritated and dive into the act with twice the passion because he wanted to hear Marik moan. But this was a matter of making the Pharaoh feel foolish, and that made it quite easy for Marik to whimper and beg for it like he was Bakura’s bitch.

“Bakura, please. Oh please! Take it into your mouth! Please! Yes! _Yes_! Deeper! _Oh gods, Bakura!”_

Marik had so much fun moaning and screaming, that he realized he was going to have to play nice more often. Each time he cried out, Bakura’s mouth felt _better_ as it sucked his cock.

“ _Bakura! Bakura! Bakura! Fucking gods!_ ”

Marik found himself squeezing his thighs around Bakura’s head in earnest, and calling out even louder than he intended to. It wasn’t until he was about to come that he remembered what they were doing and pulled away.

“Shit, I forgot there was a point to this.” Marik laughed. He was flushed again, and this time he was pretty sure his skin tone wasn’t saving him from being noticeably aroused.

“No, no, no, I want to finish,” Bakura whined, leaning back towards Marik’s cock and opening his mouth.

Marik held Bakura’s shoulders. “I need to get measured.”

“You’re the same as Kek. Let him go for both of you.”

“No, it has to be a public measuring,” Seto said. “And if I don’t get a blow job, Marik doesn’t.”

“I will get a fucking blow job, whenever, however, or wherever the fuck I want.” Marik glared at Seto. Yes, Marik had been the one to start the battle, but he was also going to be the one to win the war- and the dick measuring contest (at least between he and Seto). “Come here, Kek; grab a tape measure, Bakura.”

“No problem, I think I grew a centimeter just from watching _that_. Holy shit you two!” Kek stripped and jumped beside Marik wrapping an arm around Marik’s shoulder so they could stand side by side to be measured.

“I can’t.” Bakura dropped to his side and curled into a ball. “I think I have a fatal case of blue balls.”

“Freak deaths are already covered in the liability waiver you signed,” Seto said.

“I’m dying and all I hear are legal disclaimers… this is why I hate playing duel monsters.”

“Kek! Your piercings look great. I think I’m going to have to get more myself now.” Yugi rested his hands on his knees so he could lean forward and get a better view of Kek’s rod.

“Thanks.” Kek grabbed his cock and looked down to admire himself. “I think I’m going to get my nipples pierced next, and maybe my tongue after that.”

People often thought Kek was taller, but it was the hair. They were actually the exact same, right down to their long, brown cocks. The only difference between them is that Kek had four piercings travelling up the underside of his shaft like rungs of a ladder, and then a prince albert at the tip. It only had a barbell in it at the moment, but Marik suspected that the next time he saw Kek naked it’d have a wand like Yugi’s.

“I’ll measure you two.” Ryou handed Yugi his clipboard and grabbed the tape measure instead. “Yup, exactly the same. 21 cm long and… 6cm wide.”

“You know, come to think about it,” Yugi said with a thoughtful voice, “I think we could all be porn stars. We’re all pretty and we all have nice cocks. We could make more money that Kaiba Corp!”

“No you couldn’t,” Seto protested.

“I am _not_ having sex with Bakura’s weird ass dragon dick!” Jonouchi pointed at Bakura’s crumpled form on the floor, as if the dragon anatomy was his only problem with Yugi’s plan.

“Bitch, don’t even flatter yourself with fantasies of sex with me. I’m way out of your league!” Bakura shouted from the floor.

“I am too shy to let other people watch.” Ryou blushed. “I mean, you guys are okay, but not strangers.”

“Hope you’re not _too_ shy.” Kek grinned so wide that the tip of his tongue showed through his teeth. “Because you’re next, and I’m personally making sure you’re at your best when you’re measured.”

###

Kek hit him like a storm, kissing his throat, tugging off his clothes, and twisting Ryou’s nipples a little _too_ hard the way Ryou liked. He was already aroused and stiff. Yugi was right, they _were_ all attractive, and they _did_ all have delightful equipment, and by the time he saw Marik and Kek standing naked together, Ryou had been ready to beg for a blow job contest instead of a measuring contest.

Ryou shrieked when Kek flipped him. Ryou found himself upside down with his knees braced against Kek’s shoulders and his hand gripping Kek’s thighs for extra support. Kek held onto Ryou’s hips and buried his face between Ryou’s asscheeks, licking Ryou’s entrance with his wild, long tongue.

Ryou wasn’t aware of much, except that he was making a lot of noise and suddenly wasn’t afraid of Kek dropping him anymore. Ryou’s mouth was close enough to Kek’s titanium-studded cock for Ryou to slip it into his mouth. It was weird upside down, he was used to teasing the balls on each side of Kek’s piercings, but Kek didn’t seem to mind Ryou’s tongue simply gliding up and down the smooth topside of Kek’s cock. It was over too soon, and Kek flipped Ryou and held him bridal style, sitting down where Marik had been a moment before and kissing along Ryou’s collarbone.

“Measure him quickly before he gets nervous.” Kek chuckled against Ryou’s flesh before giving it a playful lick and bite that kept Ryou distracted.

“Ryou you’re almost 23 centimeters long!” Yugi shouted.

“I know,” Ryou whispered with a face red from embarrassment and arousal.

“No, seriously, you fall just short of 23 centimeters! And you’re as wide as Bakura.”

“I know,” Ryou tried to say it louder, but squeaked, still shy about it. “Kek and I measured our lengths a long time ago because we were curious.”

“Damn, Ryou, you’re a freaking horse.” Jonouchi whistled.

“That means you won!” Yugi cheered.

“Of course he won. Ryou’s the best.” Kek nuzzled his forehead into Ryou’s hair, making Ryou giggle.

“I was hoping Kek and Marik’s width would make up for the length difference.” Ryou hid his face in Kek’s shoulder. “I didn’t want to _win_.”

“No, dammit, be proud of winning.” Bakura sat up to give Ryou a lecture. “This was a tournament, afterall.”

“Okay, I won.” Ryou laughed again. “Still not as cool as a dragon penis! It’s no fair, I had the Ring, too. Why didn’t I get evil demonic junk?”

“Eh, you didn’t sell your soul to the demon in the Ring, though, so you didn’t really _earn_ a dragon cock.” Bakura winked.

“Seto, he’s being facetious,” Atem said before anyone else could speak. “I forbid you from selling your soul to a demon for a dragon’s prick.”

Seto had one arm crossed over his chest and the other one holding his chin. He looked deep in thought, as if he were weighing his options.

“I bet I could design organic nanobots that fuse with human anatomy to augment-”

“Seto, no!” Atem shouted. “I mean, not that it wouldn’t be neat, I just don’t trust you to be safe about your research what-so-ever.”

“No one cares about Seto’s cock right now, we’re talking about Ryou’s.” Kek stuck out his tongue. “Ryou won the contest, and that means he gets to decide what we do for the next three hours.”

“One hour and fifty-three minutes,” Seto corrected.

“Pssst, Ryou.” Bakura cupped his hands around his mouth, pretending that he was whispering, but speaking loud enough for everyone to hear. “Choose orgy and nap.”

“Really, Bakura? Really?” Ryou struggled back into his pants, but his erection made it difficult. “You’re going to fuck the Pharaoh?”

Marik pressed his hand into his hip. “Bakura? Why do you look like you’re considering it?”

“I mean, there’s eight of us. I bet I could pull it off without having to actually touch him.”

“Wow, Bakura, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. We’re practically soul mates now.” Atem rolled his eyes. “I’m definitely in the mood for an orgy after sweet talk like that.”

“Oh, now you want to be seduced.” Bakura snorted. “What? Should I be like Seto and set up a duel monsters tournament as foreplay?”

“We’d need condoms, gloves, lube, blankets, and if we could get all those things then we wouldn’t be in the mess in the first place because we wouldn’t be stuck.” Ryou ticked off all the reasons _not_ to have an orgy on his fingers. “Besides, I had something else in mind. Hey, Seto?”

“What?”

“There’s a bar at the end of the room. Do you have key to the liquor cabinet?”

“Of course I do.”

“Good. Please bring me a single bottle of whiskey. We’re going to play a game.”

###

Atem was certain that between the initial boredom, the embarrassment, and the utter madness of the last hour and a half had driven any remaining sanity straight out of his skull. At Ryou’s behest, they all sat in a circle as Seto fetched a bottle of whiskey. Ryou put a paper cup in front of each of them and then sat down between Bakura and Kek. Atem was across from Bakura, and they kept making faces at each other. At first it’d been glares, but Seto took his time with his fetch quest and their looks progressed into ridiculous, clownish things that had them both laughing by the time Ryou poured the liquor into their cups.

“We’re going to play something like Truth or Dare,” Ryou explained. “Only it’s more like Truth and more Truth. You get three passes, but each time you pass you have to drink a third of your cup, and once the liquor’s gone- there’s only the truth.”

“Why are we playing this? I don’t want to play this game.” Bakura stood up, but Ryou placed his hand on Bakura’s shoulder.

“So you’re welshing on the terms of our measuring contest? I won. I get to pick what we do until we can get out of here.”

“Can I be sarcastic?”

“No.”

“Can I steal your whiskey and pour into my cup and have six passes?”

“Yes.” Ryou sighed. “If that makes you sit back down.”

“I still don’t see why we’re playing this instead of Duel Monsters,” Seto said.

“You had your chance to play Duel Monsters without the duel disks.” Ryou shook his head. “Now we’re playing the game I want to play.”

“Okay, but why not regular truth or dare?” Jonouchi asked.

“Because that would turn into a sex game before the first round ended. Now, listen.” Ryou gave each of them a serious look. “It’s been a few years now, and every time we end up together whether it’s a gaming night or a birthday party, it’s always the same drama. Kek, Marik, and Bakura on one side of the room, Yugi, Jonouchi, and Atem on the other, me trying to bounce back and forth, and Kaiba avoiding everything because he won’t admit-”

“I don’t want to hang out with you nerds!” Seto objected before Ryou finished the sentence.

“No lying, either. I really think- if you _all_ would just talk to each other a little more- everyone could be friends, and this game is going to test that theory, so let’s start.” Ryou poured two thirds of his whiskey into Bakura’s glass, but saved the last shot to donate to Seto.

“Hey!” Bakura protested.

“Bakura, please.”

“Fine.” Bakura propped his chin in both hands.

“Thank you. Kek, how about you start? Ask anyone a question.”

“Bakura?”

“Why me?” Bakura shouted.

“Dude, calm down. I was going to ask what you really thought of Sesame Street.”

“Oh,” Bakura looked relieved. “Not bad, especially the part where we sang the songs to piss off Atem.”

“I _knew_ you weren’t that drunk.” Atem frowned.

“Ha, of course not. We just wanted to fuck with you.” Bakura blew Atem a facetious kiss.

“Seto, ask a question,” Ryou said before Atem could retort.

“I don’t care enough to have questions for any of you.”

“No lying. If you say something that’s obviously a lie one more time you get a penalty question.”

“Whatever. Atem, top or bottom?”

“At this point I’d take what I could get.” Atem snorted before taking a drink from his cup and wincing at the taste.

“Atem, you answered the question, so you didn’t have to take a drink,” Yugi said.

“I know.” Atem took another drink before giving a humorless laugh. “Guess it’s my turn, huh? Hey Bakura?”

“No! I fucking hate you!”

“So? You passing?”

“Fucking ask your question, jackass. I don’t give a fuck.”

“What are you so afraid of being asked?”

Bakura grabbed his cup and brought it close to his lips. Atem thought he was going to pass, but then he spoke, “Anything that involves my own feelings.”

He chugged from his cup as soon as the words left his mouth. Atem followed suit and downed the last of his own drink. He noticed Marik and Seto doing the same. Maybe Ryou should have made a rule that they drank _before_ each question instead of as a pass.

“Okay, Kaiba.” Jonouchi leaned a little forward. “Would you really-”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t finish my question.”

“Fuck the Blue Eyes White Dragon. Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“But-”

“It’s Yugi’s turn,” Ryou said.

“Ryou,” Yugi pursed his lips. “Why’d you steal the Ring back after Battle City? I always wondered.”

“One, it was mine, so I don’t consider it theft. Two, a real friend would have spoken directly to me if he was concerned about my safety instead of hiding my own property from me like I was a child. Three, I was naive enough to think that if I had a little more time with the Ring, I could somehow get through to Bakura.” Ryou lowered his head. “Save him somehow.”

“You saved _me_ ,” Kek said.

“No, Kek.” Ryou smiled. “All your progress is yours. I refuse to take that credit away from you.”

They pulled each other into an embrace at the same time. Atem found himself snorting and looking away… perhaps he was jealous. It only became worse when Marik asked his question.

“Bakura, do you-”

“Yes. I do.”

“Oh, don’t make it cheap like that.” Marik blew out a frustrated breath.

“Yes, Marik.” Bakura grabbed Marik’s hand, although he stared at his empty cup and blushed. “I love you.”

“Thanks… I always wanted to hear it, but didn’t want to argue it out of you.” A shy smile- a look Atem could have never imagined on Marik’s face- lit up Marik’s face. “I love you, too.”

“Ryou can we have another bottle of whiskey?” Bakura asked. “I feel like a idiot.”

“That’s because you are an idiot,” Ryou said. “And we’re not drinking anymore. I need you coherent enough to know what you’re asking and answering.”

“Well, that was a wasted question.”

“Sorry, Bakura, it’s my turn.” Ryou turned to Jonouchi. “Jonouchi, how’d you get that scar on your wrist?”

Jonouchi looked at his arm. His entire face fell. The usually happy carefree Jonouchi sank into himself and he grabbed his cup.

“Pass.”

Kek sat a moment, thinking, then asking, “Jonouchi, how’d you get the scar on your stomach?”

“When you’d see that?” Jonouchi asked, a little panicked.

“When Yugi measured you.”

Jonouchi growled a little and took another drink. “Pass.”

Seto exhaled, staring at his empty cup in his hand. He finally jerked his blue eyes up and stared at Atem.

“Do you want to go out to dinner tomorrow?”

Atem’s mouth dropped, and Ryou Bakura was suddenly his favorite person in the world. Atem swallowed, nodded, smiled.

“Yes. Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

He leaned forward, closing his eyes. Sitting, their height difference wasn’t _as bad_ , and his mind spun in circles until they pulled away.

“It’s about time!” Bakura shouted.

“Shut-up Bakura, I’m sick of you mocking-”

“I’m being serious,” Bakura snapped. “This entire mess would have been avoided if Seto had just asked you out in the first place instead do what he does best- throw money, technology, and trading cards at all his damn problems.”

“I’m actually having fun,” Kek grinned. “I thought I was the only one that had trouble with emotions, but you’re all a mess just like me.”

“Welcome to humanity, Kek.” Yugi laughed. “Where everyone is at least a little bit of a mess.”

“Ha, yeah,” Jonouchi rubbed the back of his neck. “And it’s my turn. Yug, can we trade cups? I think I know what Marik’s next question’s going to be, and he’s not going to ask Bakura to marry him.”

Bakura pushed up his sleeve, pointed at the gold around his arm, and gave Jonouchi a sarcastic look. Yugi, however, rested his hand on Jonouchi’s knee.

“Sure, you can have my cup.”

“Thanks.” Jonouchi downed the whiskey.

“Sorry,” Marik apologized. “I’m really not trying to be an asshole, but since Ryou brought it up, and since you’re reaction is so strong-”

“Just ask the damn question, Marik,” Jonouchi interrupted him.

“The scar on your shoulder.”

“My dad. Happy? He used to get drunk and beat the fuck outta me, okay? He kept doing it until I finally got so pissed I hit him back, and broke his nose, and that’s the night I moved in with Yugi. Shit.”

“Wait, what?” Bakura shouted, and Atem remembered that Ryou hadn’t moved to Domino yet when Jonouchi vanished for three days and they went looking for him at his apartment and met his father. Still, Atem was surprised how upset Bakura looked as he asked his question. “I thought all you friendship fools had happy childhoods, right? I mean, not Otogi, but-”

“Are you stupid, Bakura?” Jonouchi snorted. “You think you’re the only one that had troubles? Man, don’t get me started. I ain’t comparing, I know Kul Elna was fucked up, but that doesn’t mean everyone else’s life’s a story book.”

“Well… shit…” Bakura turned towards Ryou. “Are you sure we can’t-”

“No, we can’t have more booze, Bakura. You’re experiencing empathy- deal with it. That’s the point of the game.”

“Does anyone else have scars from their dad?” Kek asked out of turn.

Seto sighed, and lifted up his shirt. They hadn’t fully undressed earlier, so Atem gasped when he saw the lines criss crossing Seto’s stomach.

“Seto? How?” he asked, also out of turn, but he didn’t care.

“Gozaburo favored a bull whip.”

“That was your father?” Kek asked.

“Adopted, but yes.”

“Did you hit him like Jonouchi did?”

A dry, bitter, tired laugh escaped from Seto. “I took over his company from beneath his nose and drove him into such despair that he jumped out a window to his death.” Seto tucked his shirt back into his pants. “And for the record, I never thought Marik killing his father was anything short of a good idea.”

“Am I the only one that had a good father?” Atem asked, looking around the room, hoping that at least Ryou would smile at some fond memory, but Ryou frowned and stared at the floor. It was _Bakura_ who grinned, and it was Bakura who answered Atem’s question.

“I loved my father. He was great. He taught me everything he knew about games. Sennet, mehen, riddles, he also taught me how to disable tomb traps.” Bakura shrugged, glancing at Atem. “You know, so I could steal your dad’s shit out of his tomb. At least he had a tomb.” Bakura shook his head. “You saw his corpse that day, but I had to see my father’s tormented ghost everyday. My mother’s too.”

A long silence filled the room as everyone thought to themselves. Finally, Marik sighed. “Can we go back to sex jokes? I can’t deal with anything else heavy while trapped like this.”

“Hey Yugi?” Ryou asked to help distract Marik. “Did you ever jerk off when you had the Puzzle?”

It helped. Everyone exploded into laughter, perhaps moreso because of the serious tone their game had a moment before. They needed to release the tension, and laughing was easier than screaming.

“Only all the time! I was a very healthy teenage boy. What about you?”

Ryou blushed. “I tried not to, but one day I found an old _gui comi_ in my closet, and I started reading it, and Bakura got so antsy we ended up doing it together. He had the right hand and I used the left.”

“Psh, you’d have to use two hands with your giant dong.” Jonouchi laughed.

“How about this, favorite position?” Ryou pointed. “Seto, start.”

“I… don’t know?”

“Ooookay then, Atem?”

“Against the wall.” Atem felt hot all over again, and it’s been more than long enough for him to recover from the quick tryst he’d had over two hours ago. “Which, I think should be put into consideration in light of recent events.”

“Kay, noted. Jonouchi?”

“Pile driver.” Jonouchi laughed.

“Yeah, must be nice to be tall.” Yugi snorted, and Atem understood. Yugi thought about his answer for a moment. “Atem’s right, against the wall is best.”

“Damn, this is hard.” Marik looked up at the ceiling. “I guess when he’s in my lap. What about you, Bakura?”

“Yes. Positions. All of them. Never met one I didn’t like.”

“Yes, but what’s your _favorite one_?” Yugi asked.

“Whichever one I’m doing at the time.”

“I like being on my side the best,” Ryou said. “Kek?”

“Um… no one would believe me.” He picked up his cup and swirled the golden liquor inside it.

“Tell us anyway.” Yugi smiled.

“Missionary,” Kek mumbled. “I like to hold Ryou’s face.”

“I believe you,” Atem said.

They were all worried about Ryou. Hanging out with Marik and Bakura was bad enough for him, but Marik’s alter ego? They thought Ryou’s corpse would end up in a dumpster sooner or later, but Atem had to admit- he’d been calm the entire time. He and Ryou always acted like he was behaving only because of bribes, but maybe that was just Ryou’s way of spoiling Kek and helping him cool off after being in socially stressful situations.

“Thanks.” Kek gave him a crooked grin and took a swig from his cup. “Why do you guys drink this? It’s like giving a sun god a blow job and swallowing fire.”

“Personally, that’s exactly why I drink it.” Bakura smoothed down his spikes despite the fact that they sprung back up the second his hands left his scalp.

“Here, you’d better share that.” Ryou took Kek’s cup and finished it. “I forgot you’ve never drank before.”

They continued to sit and talk until noise filled the quiet that Atem hadn’t realized was surrounding them. Atem wiped his brow, dewed with sweat, but he could hear the AC running once again, and feel the cool, moving air on the nape of his neck. The lights also brightened.

“Finally.” Seto stood. “Now we can start our tournament.”

“Sorry Seto.” Yugi jumped to his feet, pulling up Jonouchi with him. “We have to go- immediately.”

“What? What do you mean go?”

“It’s, uh, important.” Jonouchi grinned.

“What could be more important than card games!” Seto demanded.

“I… left the stove on!” Yugi grinned. “And I’m sure it’s really, _really,_ hot by now, and I really need to check it. Before the entire Game Shop burns down.”

“Yes, I’m sure your stove is quite hot.” Bakura hummed. “And you’re quite bothered by the thought.”

“Yes. Exactly. Thank you for understanding, Bakura. We’ll see you guys later!”

“We can’t have a proper tournament with only six people!” Seto called after them. “The winner brackets will be uneven!”

“What makes you think we’re staying?” Marik laughed. “After that sexually frustrating mess? The four of us are going to raid your mansion, find the first room with a bed, and _wreck it_.”

“Literally.” Kek nodded. “We keep a plain king sized mattress in our extra room now because we got tired of buying bedframes.”

“Looks like the only card game you’re playing is solitare.” Bakura shot Seto with his finger and marched off with a Marik on each arm.

“Thank you for the lovely banquet, and I’m sorry that we’re going to wreck your room. We’ll play Duel Monsters next time, Seto!” Ryou gave a quick bow and then chased after the others.

Seto sighed, his shoulders deflated.

“Don’t worry, Seto. I’ll still play.” Atem offered his best smile. “I mean, we were going to be the only real competition besides Yugi anyway.”

Seto narrowed his eyes, staring at the door in which everyone else escaped. “You know… I bet the two of us could wreck a bed twice as well as the four of them.”

“You think so?” Atem’s mouth went dry and his heart leapt into his throat.

A very rare smile crept across Seto’s face. “Want to try?”


End file.
